My First Spin Class (from hell) Experience.

Below is a chronicle of the events that occurred between 5:00 p.m. and 6:45 p.m.

5:02 p.m. - I show up and take a seat outside the cycling room. My eagerness to arrive early to my demise will prove to be naive. No matter, I plug in some gangster rap/Hillsong United to get psyched up for my first spin class experience.

5:20 p.m. -About 5 or 6 people have begun to gather around me. The demographics are varied, from psycho-fit soccer mom to a man who appears to have invented the ironman competition. One similarity reigns supreme, they all have clip-in shoes. As I shuffle my bag to cover my normal sneakers, I begin to realize the dire situation in which I'm about to find myself submersed.

5:27 p.m. - We are allowed to enter the room. The room is frigid, I complain to myself silently. I will be eating those words soon.

5:31 p.m. - Our instructor/drill sergeant/torturer enters the room. The sheet on the front of the door said the instructor's name was Kris. I was expecting a man. I was wrong. Instead, I found myself staring into the eyes of a petite, 80 pound she-devil. She smiled at me as if to say, "You won't be leaving this room alive."

5:34 p.m. - I begin adjusting my state of the art stationary bicycle, acting like I know while I'm doing, while Kris put on the music. The first song on the playlist was, "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place." Taking this as an ominous sign, I proceeded to eagerly look around the room, trying to discover with whom I would find love in this hopeless place. To my left, let's just call him "Bike Shorts Bill," and to my right, "Way too intense Magaret." I decide to focus on adjusting my seat.

5:40 p.m. - I am in the saddle, finding my rhythm to the beat of "Tik Tok" (much to my chagrin). "This isn't so bad," I think to myself. Sure, I'm sweating a little bit, but all in all, This is going to be a peace of cake.

5:45 p.m. - The instructor informs us that the warm-up is over and it's now time to, "BURN BURN BURN." I cringe as I look at the clock and realize there's 40 minutes left in the class...

5:48 p.m. - The next song comes on, called Russian Roulette. I can already feel my quads saying it's not too late to go crank out some curls and call it a day.

5:53 p.m. - The devi...I mean instructor, informs us that we're in an active rest period. This is just a fancy term for, "pace just under a sprint." Just as I'm about to pull the, "I pulled my hamstring a month ago" and walk out, Kris exclaims, "OUT OF THE SADDLE, LET'S CLIMB!" I hate my life.

6:04 p.m. - After climbing 3 mythical mountains, with surprisingly 0 valleys, we come to another active rest period. I come to cherish these sadistic moments

6:09 p.m. - We come to our last song, "Numb" by Linkin Park. The cruel irony is not lost on me as I manage to move the 2 lifeless limbs below my waste. "CLIMB SPRINT CLIMB DIE, " Kris exclaims as more water pours out of my body than I know I put in it today. At this point, if I lost bodily functions, I would be ok with it as my pride already went out the window with the way I was puddling through hummus, while the cute girls who showed up (after the hopeless place had turned bleak) act like their legs are two pistons from a supercharged hot rod.

6:14 p.m. - We conclude the ride. Kris congratulates us and says that she's proud no one passed out this time (small victory). She encourages us to come see her new demo class on Wednesday. I respectfully decline as I don't believe I will have regained the feeling in my legs again.

6:17 p.m. - I hobble down to the exit, when I realized a much crueler irony than the Linkin Park rock anthem. I rode my bike to the gym...

P.S. I'm mildly disappointed I didn't take charge of the Spin Class like Dwight.

RUN DNC: An In-depth Analysis of the Democratic National Convention and the Democratic Party as a Whole.

 I refuse to talk politics. However, I've decided that LOTB needs to be more diversified. Therefore, I'm letting my friend, Ross Darden, take the reins on this one. Enjoy.

As you may know, the Democratic National Convention, DNC for those of us in the business, began recently throwing the media into quite a frenzy. Your friends are probably being obnoxious and retweeting stuff you care literally nothing about.  Now before we get into what exactly went down at the DNC (we never actually will) let me tell you a little bit about the Democratic Party and what it is at its core. Its heart. Possibly even its soul. The Democratic Party isn’t a group of people centered around certain ideals hoping to impose their left wing, capitalist-murdering, poor-people-empowering agenda onto the country and/or world. No, no, do not be fooled. As it turns out, the Democratic Party is nothing more than a giant ___ party. Like literally a literal party. Literally. You don’t even have to show your I.D. And this party blows the Republican Party out of the water. Personally I’m a little into the whole rich old white dudes making all the shady decisions (full disclosure: I plan on being one of them someday). But if you’re not, rest assured, you have options. 

If you like to party, go to the Democratic one because it is OFF THE HOOK. Everything is free. Everything. It’s basically like Woodstock with a budget. I heard the slogan this year is: Sex, Drugs, Food Stamps (food stamps have officially been renamed to SNAP to do away with the “negative connotation” but SNAP sounds kind of lame in a slogan…and honestly in general (except when being used to “back up” your “bro” when they diss/burn/insult someone (OH SNAP Y’ALL!))). So that gives you an idea of just how bangin’ this party is going to be. Go rent Half Baked, Eyes Wide Shut, and Julie & Julia, throw them in a blender, put it on ice, and take a nice big gulp of the DNC. I’m not making this up, all my info is coming straight off the Democratic Party website. Now before you drop your conservative beliefs to jump on board this party wagon, let me give you a few words of warning about why you should NOT go to the Democratic Party:

1.     You WILL get an STD - Maybe not like AIDS or a really bad one that sticks with you for the rest of your life, but you’ll definitely leave there with some kind of bacteria.

2.     A ton of freshmen will probably show up – College freshmen flock to these kinds of things. Republican or Democratic, doesn’t matter, they just like to party. It’s their first time away from home and they want to “open their minds” to “new experiences” and “live life” to the “fullest.” Basically that just means they want to party ballz.

3.     Hillary Clinton might be there – GROSS!!

4.     Nothing will be name brand – It’s all gonna be knock off stuff because they used OH SNAP! food stamps to buy the eats and drinks. Plus the drugs are mediocre at best. When the mob boss cuts open the kilos of cocaine that are going to the Democratic Party with his bowie knife and tastes it he makes a bad face. Word on the street is the Republican Party has great coke, like even the 80s are jealous of it (yea, the entire decade).

5.     No, seriously. Hillary Clinton might be there.

Sorry I had to say Hillary Clinton’s name so much, oh gosh I just did it again. Really though, I’m sorry, I just needed to warn you. Now clean the vomit off your screen and get back out there.

Dear Chris Schmitt

Dear Chris Schmitt (if that is your real name),

A few days ago you besmirched my name and insulted a baby. I do not know what possesses a person to call a baby ugly. That's pretty low, even by my standards.

Also, I don't know who goes around trollin' random blogs at 3:43 a.m. After some investigative research, I've come to the conclusion that this is the Chris Schmitt in question.

You may call me all the names you want, but if you insult my nephew, then in the words of Russell Brand, "I will slice you from limb to chop!" Troll away Chris Schmitt.

Sincerely,
The alleged *expletive*

P.S. My friend over at restlessweeniedoglegs.blogspot.com is hosting a cyber bullying seminar next week. It would be wise for you to attend.

BACK ON THE BLOCK!

Hello friends, family, random Europeans that somehow stumble upon my blog...

I'm sorry that it has been so long since my last blog post. I recently took a nice little sabbatical, if you will. I did some traveling to the beautiful town of Crosbyton, TX this summer. You really should visit sometime. If Amherst and Petersburg had a baby, it would be Crosbyton.

Aside from my awesome job, lots of exciting events took place this summer. For instance, my roommates and I decided that we missed the ghetto, so we moved back into it! That's right, my blog's name is once again relevant. We have lovely neighbors across the street. There's the group of Mexican men (literally, their cars have Chihuahuan license plates), who's hobbies include: being shirtless, being shirtless on their porch all day, being shirtless on their porch all day with beers in their hand, and giving us the look of "Hey homez, our neighbors across the street are going to go eat dinner, maybe we should rob them while they're away." every time we leave to go somewhere. We also have the friendly neighborhood drug dealer across the street. He seems friendly, almost like a Doug the drug dealer from The Hangover type. However, I have not seen him or his truck in the past month, so I fear the worst...

For those that affectionately remember the Testosterhome (R.I.P.), I regret to inform you that it has been overrun by Frat daddies. Our new home was formerly known as the Estroden, but is now appropriately styled the Testosterden. The Testosterden offers many luxuries such as: working toilets, high pressure shower heads, locks on the doors, and most importantly, working a/c. I know I know, we are living the dream!

The Testosterden

Last, but not least, I became an uncle! Meet Kale Ethan Daugherty:

I'm currently mulling over several ideas regarding the direction this blog is going to take. The ultimate goal being to make this thing more consistent (What? You don't like it when I blog once every 6 months?). Anyway, I'll get back to you on that. My advice for you today is: don't eat lima beans. Those are gross.

P.S. I leave you with this gem. Why do I smile? Because it's worth it.

No One On the Corner Got Swagga Like Us

            It's that time again! Intramural co-rec basketball is in full swing. The Geoducks are locked and loaded with talent this year. We played our first game last Monday against the Vietnamese Student Association. The result? A whopping 51-11 victory. With 15 minutes remaining in the first half, the Geoducks were only up 11-7. From there, the Geoducks went on a 34-0 run that stretched until the 15 minute mark of the second half. At the 13 minute mark, we hit the 40 point mercy rule and the game was over. Now you may be asking, "Who all is on the Geoducks?" or "What is a geoduck?" Good Question!
            The geoduck is a mollusk native to the Pacific Northwest. The geoduck (pronounced "GOO-ee-duck") is the largest burrowing clam in the world, weighing in at anywhere from one to three pounds at maturity. The appearance of geoduck's large, protruding siphon has led to the belief that the geoduck has the properties of an aphrodisiac. The geoduck has a life expectancy of up to 150 years with the oldest recorded at 163 years. Not to mention it also has a strong desire to dominate.

Here is a rundown of everyone that is on our roster (Pictured below):

1) Angela "Wild Card" Estrada (Not pictured unfortunately)
2) Kristin "Never Missin" Amerson (Not pictured unfortunately)
3) Rosa "La Luchadora" Ortiz (Far left standing)
4) Chasten "Ace" Fregia (Red shorts kneeling)
5) Sarah "The muscle" Kidd (Strength shirt standing)
6) Sara "Can't be Stopped" Stout (Far left kneeling)
7) Richard "Big Rich" Jones (The only one that looks like he played college football)
8) Matt "Birdman" Langhoff (The tallest one)
9) Hadden "The Fox" Phillips (Far right, posing)
10) Brent "Archangel" Daugherty (The bearded one)

Support the Geoducks! Trend #Geoducks today and make us happy! Until we win again, peace!

Testosterhome: 2007-2011 R.I.P.

September 6, 2011: The tenants of Testosterhome received a visit from good ole Neal Lloyd, our friendly neighborhood code enforcement officer. He informed us that our parking was "out of code" and asked how many people lived in the home. Naturally, we told him "4" (in our heads, we said "plus 4")..to which he responded that four people was also illegal.
September 13, 2011:We received our certified mail, telling us that we had 30 days to correct the housing issue or get evicted from the property. Since rent would be through the roof with only three people living in the Testosterhome, we decided to disband.
October 10, 2011: Myself and 3 other Testosterhomies have moved into a new home.

So that's pretty much all of the events that have transpired in the past month. It's very unfortunate that a legacy has to die because of one silly man working for one silly city. We weren't crazy party animals who incessantly tormented our neighbors (minus the rooster incident). We were just a bunch of Jesus loving, college students who wanted some cheaper rent. Since this will be my last blog on "Life on the Block," I've decided to go out with a bang and compile a eulogy of sorts, complete with every single member, past and present as well as a brief description of where they are now.

The Testosterhome was founded in 2007 by Zachary Ormsby, Chris Vaughn, Matthew Townsend and Brad Lord. Little did they know the legacy that they would create. From 2007-2011, 21 people resided in the Testosterhome. These are their stories.

Zach Ormsby: June 2007- September 2009. Lives in Houston, TX and is an engineer for Cooper Cameron Corporation.









Chris Vaughn: Unknown
                                      Matthew Townsend: Unknown
                                      Brad Lord: Unknown

Alex Linney: June 2008-May 2010. Livin' the life in Denver, CO

Stephen Campbell: June 2008-May 2010. Just got married to Beth Niles. He is currently in seminary in Wyoming.

Heath Posey: June 2008-May 2009. He is married to Lacy Konieczka and lives in Denver, CO. He is an engineer for EOG Resources. (P.S. I've totally been right where you're standing Heath.)

Aaron Farris: June 2008-May 2009. Married to Julia and works for Energy Land Resources in Crockett, TX

Wally Dunn: June 2008-May 2009. Married to Micah Dunn. Wally, I'm not quite sure what you've been up to lately...

Kyle Davison: January 2008-May 2008. He is currently attending seminary in Dallas, Texas

Cameron Nault: August 2009-December 2009. He is currently doing a strength and conditioning internship with USC.















Tyler: August 2009-May 2010. D-bag stole my awesome
                                                              change jar.

Daniel Knox: June 2009-September 2011. Studying Mechanical Engineering here at Texas Tech.

Myself: June 2009-September 2011. You know what I do.

Luke Williams: June 2009-May 2010. Studying Civil Engineering at Texas Tech.

Isaac Brooks: June 2010-September 2011. Studying Architecture here at Texas Tech.

Todd Wedel: June 2010-September 2011. Studying RHIM here at Tech. By the way, this is a picture of him in the 5th grade. He is the rather large one.

Stuart Gill: June 2010-September 2011. Studying English here at Texas Tech.

Matt Langhoff: June 2010-September 2011. Studying University Studies here at Texas Tech.

Weston Cerda: June 2011-September 2011. Studying Mechanical Engineering at Texas Tech.

Jeremy Burke: June 2011-September 2011. Studying Nursing at Texas Tech.












As you can see, we are just a bunch of adventure loving, humble, Christ-centered kids looking for some cheap rent. Thanks Neal Lloyd for destroying the icon that is the Testosterhome. The legend will never die. I am going to need a new name for this blog so comment your suggestions for names. Peace out.

P.S. Here's Neal Lloyd. What a mean man.

In Honor of the Midsummer Classic

Tonight, as the MLB All Star game is being played to cap off the first half of the baseball season. Congrats to my boys Brian McCann, Johnny Venters, and Craig Kimbrel for making the team. I've been reminiscing the good things and the bad things of the first half of my summer. Let's take a look shall we?

We'll start with the good things:

1) Russia! - Naturally, this would be my #1 good thing of the first half. I had the incredible opportunity of getting to spend four weeks in Moscow, Russia on a summer project through Campus Crusade for Christ. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Brief highlights: metro rides, interesting food, sharing the gospel, the banya, flaming football matches. I don't regret embarking on this journey in the least bit. 

2) The Atlanta Braves- The Atlanta Braves own the 2nd best record in baseball right now and will only get better in the 2nd half. Tomahawk chop!

3) Road trip to the Metroplex- 'nuff said.

4) T&T Dr. Peppers - Oh how I've missed these divine delicacies.

5) Mineral Deeds - To most, this means nothing. To me, this means everything. Mineral deeds are the simplest of documents to record at my job and any time one pops up, it brings a smile to my face.

Now that we've covered the good things, let's observe some of the bad things from the first half of this summer.

1) Transition from Russia back to America - This has been a fairly difficult adjustment to make. The most challenging being the fact that I spent four weeks where the temperature was in the 70s to going home where the temperatures have been hovering around 110.

2) The Philadelphia Phillies - Despite the Atlanta Braves having the 2nd best record in baseball, the Phillies have the best record. Unfortunately for the Braves, the Phillies are in the same division. Thus, the Braves are in 2nd place.

3) 335 miles - Not a pleasant distance to cover.

4) Mortgages - The bizarro mineral deed if you will (Superman reference). This vile instrument is always a pain to record at my job and I do not enjoy them in the least bit.

There ya have it. A recap of the first half of my summer. Here's to hoping the second half is as good as the first.

P.S. Prepare to have your mind blown with this: