Freedom, Liberty, and Blogging

What's more patriotic than patriotic Pop-Tarts?

July 4, 2011, a date which will live in infamy. My fellow Americans, I have engaged in a war..a war for freedom..a war for justice..a war for liberty. There is a blogger out there whose name will not be mentioned. She uses pictures, videos, and a silly voice. Since I believe in the idea of literacy in America, I use words. Worse, this blogger is from Hodessa! If I lose this war, I must concede my truck to this girl for five minutes as she drives it around a parking lot. Please do not let my poor Sandy fall under the tyrannical reign of this dictator. As incentives, I shall be posting a blog every day this week. This is just another benefit of living in the great U.S. of A. Here is how we achieve victory: tell all your friends about this blog, read this blog every day, comment on this blog to boost my confidence, and pray, for we are a God fearing people. The goal is to get as many views as possible. You can help make this happen! As you take a break from eating your ribs, brats, or any other type of bbq you may or may not be having this 4th of July, take time to read this blog. Do your duty as an American. A great man once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!" I appreciate each and every one of you. Until tomorrow, GOD BLESS AMERICA! and this blog... LET INDEPENDENCE WEEK BEGIN!!

The most inspirational speech you will ever hear (The Hodessa blogger is the embodiment of the Soviets)

Klassnaya Popka?

I'm back! I'm sorry that I have taken so long to write a new post. I have heard stories of a few followers that have developed anxiety disorders as a result of this absence, and for that I sincerely apologize. For those who don't know, I am currently in the Motherland. For those of you who are not very intelligent, I am in Moscow, Russia, not the land of mothers. I have been here for almost a week now and will remain here for another three weeks. Some of you faithful who know that I have a Russia only blog may be a little confused by this post. To that, I respond by saying that this blog post is not necessarily spiritual, merely to entertain. Anywho, after a week of being here, I have noticed several things about Russian culture that are worth blogging about. Enjoy.

1) Russians do not wear deodorant - I do not know why, but this is just not a necessity in the life of a Russian. There's nothing more enjoyable than being crammed into a metro car (or cattle car as I would phrase it) with several incredibly sweaty B.O. smelling Russian men. I would question why these Russian men are so sweaty at 10 in the morning, but the fact that I have not stopped sweating since I arrived in Moscow has answered that for me.

2) Russians have an unhealthy obsession with ice cream and McDonalds - This is quite the phenomenon. There is not a restaurant/food vendor in Moscow that does not have ice cream available for purchase. I love this city specifically for that reason. As for McDonalds, I clearly do not understand why the great people of Russia love it so much, but the long lines there all day long ring true for me. Maybe it's because you will not go a day without walking at least five miles in this city and you can afford the extra calories as a result.

3) Speed limits and other traffic signs are optional - I am fairly optimistic that by the  trip I will have gotten hit by a car. A word of advice for any prospective Moscow travellers: while crossing the street, DO NOT look drivers in the eye. Instead, simply look straight ahead and pray fervently. I am 4 for 5 in this regard.

4) The Metro may be the closest thing to anarchy that I will ever experience - It is nuts! People are pushing, shoving, throwing babies out of the way. The only calm place in the metro is the escalator and even that is a hassle to get to. Not to mention trying to read which stop you need to go to, in Russian, on the complex map.

5) Russians like EXCESSIVE PDA - Making out..everywhere..on the metro, park bench, escalator, middle of a crosswalk, Mcdonalds..think of a place and two Russians have probably macked there, or worse...

6) I have ordered two food things that I haven't the slightest clue what they were, but they were extremely delicious.

That's all I have for now. Hopefully I can live to tell the tale of more of my adventures later. Peace out.

Here Ya Go, Ya Brats

I have never met someone who has wanted to be merely mentioned in my blog. The trouble they have gone through to bribe me into doing so has finally paid off. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you to Megan Cotter and Lindsay Hedlund. I'm going to go in alphabetical order..

She doesn't really look like this, but I found it amusing

Megan Cotter: Megan Megan Megan. What can I say about her other than she simply goes by Cotter, Cot, or Funky Cheese. The first thing I remember about Megan was, "Dang, that girl has some blue eyes." I don't really remember how I first met her...oops. The only thing that matters is that I met her right? She's been an awesome friend throughout my life in college. I take pride in the fact that I took her to CRU spring banquet my freshman year when she was a senior. And who can forget the Bible Study mixers set up by the one and only Brett Marcos and Millie Bratcher. And then there was the time that I spent the night in her sister's bed..creeped out yet? Don't worry, the sister wasn't there. I know that Cotter does not like to try new foods. When she's convinced that she doesn't like something (even when she's never tried it before), she's quite adamant about never ever having it..ever. Cotter also LOVES it when you touch her neck. The next time you see her, do that and she will be your best friend. Weirdness aside, she's still super cool.

Lindsay Marie Hedlund. My first vivid memory of this girl was when we were at one of those aforementioned mixers and I thought to myself, "That girl the weirdest and loudest girl alive." So yes, Lindsay, I noticed you, but it probably wasn't the light you wanted to be seen in..or maybe it was, being you..Lindsay LOVES attention. Some of the things she does to get that attention just blows my mind, but makes me laugh hysterically all the same, (ex: emotion: sad, hummmpph..just a little inside joke for us peeps). I didn't become friends with her until my sophomore year, but it's been a good friendship, full of bickering about whom Millie loves more (obviously me) and crazy shenanigans around the Hub City. Lindsay LOVES to be hugged. The next time you see her, just give her a big bear hug for a solid 10 seconds. She will immediately become your best friend as a result. I have also slept in Lindsay's bed, weird I know...don't worry, she was not sleeping next to me. She's fun to make fun of, but beware, she can dish it out just as well. Just looking at these pictures will show you the essence of Lindsay Hedlund in all of her glory.

Bottom line..these girls are awesome, but better yet, THEY ARE MY GOOD LUCK CHARM! Fo real, my batting average in softball improves drastically when they are in attendance, rather than when they are not. That's really the only reason I keep them around...Ok maybe not..maybe they're truly amazing friends who I could never replace. There ya go, there's your blog, hope you enjoy it.

Blogging On the Road!

Even though I’m posting this now, this blog post was made on the move.  Let me tell ya right now, I used to think New Mexico had the worst roads in the world, but I stand corrected. Oklahoma has supplanted New Mexico as king of the worst roads. Going through Oklahoma City alone is like being on a wooden roller coaster ride from hell. Just a hazard of blogging on the road I suppose. Mexico is 3 weeks away and Brent’s Beach Bod Extravaganza is still going strong. I’ve lost 7 pounds and I’m starting to develop some killer obliques (If you don’t know what those are, look them up, they’re awesome). Starting tomorrow, I’m implementing the Insanity workout into my regimen. Am I insane? (The answer to that is a resounding heck yeah.). However, I’ve decided that if it came down to having a 6-pack or drinking Dr. Pepper, I would choose Dr. Pepper. I will never be able to give it up. It is the blood in my veins.

I recently turned 21…Ohhhhh yeah PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!! Or not… I’ve  had a total of 7 drinks since I’ve turned 21 and that was in the first 3 days after my birthday. I guess I keep forgetting I’m 21, but that’s probably a good thing, especially when I’m working towards my beach bod. Today, however, I bought some beer for my friend’s parents as a gift of thankfulness. It was around noon and judgmental eyes were meeting me everywhere I went. Seriously? In Arkansas? C’mon, they condone cousins getting married, but everyone’s up in arms the moment I buy two cases of Busch at noon…It’s time to get your priorities straight Arkansas (sorry for doggin on your state Kaylie and Heather, but this had to be addressed). 

I have an observation I made earlier last week for those that follow my twitter. For those that don’t follow me on twitter, follow me. For now, I’ll share this observation with you this one time. Walking to class one brisk morning, I counted 6, yes 6 girls wearing leggings as pants. ABSURD!!! Women, leggings are not pants. This brings me back to a memory of a Seinfeld episode where Elaine gives her friend a bra as a gift and she ends up wearing it solely as a top. It’s just not right people. You are causing men to stumble wherever you go. If this doesn’t stop, you will have forced my hand. I will wear my compression shorts as shorts in public to make a point. Don’t tempt me, you know I’ll do it. No one, I repeat, NO ONE, wants to see me do this, so do everyone a favor and cover up ladies.

Next item on my agenda,  let me tell you a little about the TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program) Initiative: Implemented in October 2008, this $787 billion program served as an attempt to boost our struggling economy..I’m just kidding, I’m not going to talk to you about that, even though I know you’re extremely interested in it. It’s much better for me to tell you about it in person so ask me about it sometime.

So  let’s recap what you’ve learned here today: Oklahoma roads suck, my body is becoming chiseled like I was sculpted by Michelangelo himself, the entire state of Arkansas is extremely judgmental if you buy a large amount of alcohol early in the day, women need not wear leggings as pants anymore, lest they subject everyone to the horrid sight of me wearing compression shorts as shorts,  and a brief overview of the TARP Program. I hope you have enjoyed yet another edition of my blog. Until next time..Adios

P.S. This video has brought hours of laughter to me. I hope it does the same for you. Who doesn’t love dancing pandas?

Inspiration Has Finally Come, and It's Juicy!

I'm back! Back in Testosterhome for another crazy semester. Walking to class one day, I saw an actual gang patrolling our street...yes, an actual gang. They looked quite similar to this:  Living on the block is rough.  If you're going to survive it, you have to be in tip top shape. That is why Todd and myself are beginning a life change so that any of the following can occur:

1. We will gain the ability to outrun bullets
2. We will mutate and our skin will become bulletproof
3. We gain the strength to be able to bend a gun barrel towards the shooter.

Now how do we accomplish these goals exactly? One word: JUICER. That's right, we bought a juicer. I know I know, you're thinking, "Why in the world would anyone want to buy a juicer?" To juice things of course. I equate the first day with our new juicer to someone who gets addicted to crystal meth. We just couldn't get enough. The question we asked ourselves wasn't, "What can we juice?", but rather, "What can't we juice?" We started off simple enough. Oranges. Everyone loves orange juice. Well I'm gonna tell you that freshly squeezed orange juice is one of God's great gifts to man. From there we moved on to something a little more hardcore. Carrots. Gross right? In reality, it was like drinking a carrot. I don't really know why I was thinking that it would taste like anything else. Nevertheless, I love carrots, therefore I loved carrot juice. After carrots, we began to take some risks. We scoured the produce aisles, looking for anything that would be, "juicable." We acquired the following items to be juiced: a papaya, kiwi, celery, and a cucumber. 
The results were as follows:

• Papaya juice: DISGUSTING, it tasted like the after taste of vomit. After drinking that, I wanted to begin a worldwide purge to rid the planet of papaya and all papaya related flavors. DO NOT DRINK THIS JUICE!!! 

• Kiwi juice: Not too bad. Very very sour, works better as a compliment to another juice rather than being the main ingredient.
• Celery/Cucumber juice: EXCELLENT! If I were a cow and loved the taste of grass in juice form. Not nearly as bad as papaya juice, but still not pleasant.

The juicer was just phase one of our plans to "conquer the block." The juice feeds the machines (our bods) so that we can do phase two of our plan: workin out like guidos. Oh yes, this involves weight lifting, ab workouts, and rowing crew. Rowing crew?! You're thinking 2 things: 1) Guidos don't row crew, and 2) there is no body of water sufficient enough to be able to row crew in Lubbock, TX or all of West Texas for that matter. You are right on both thoughts. We diverge a bit from the guidos on this one, because we feel the Winklevoss twins (from the Social Network and actual people) were on to somethin by rowing crew. To recognize the second thought, Texas Tech has been gracious enough to provide indoor machines that simulate the rowing crew experience. This allows us to get a solid workout, as well as feel like we could be just as good as the Winklevoss twins at rowing crew, if only we were given the chance...

Well that concludes my first blog post in a while. Hopefully I can write a little more frequently this semester. Peace out nation. 







P.S. As the saying goes, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Extreme Home Makeover: Testosterhome edition

This past weekend, Todd went to Norman, Oklahoma to reunite with all of his Moscow summer project buddies. While he was away, I decided to completely reorganize our bedroom. The following is the process of Extreme Home Makeover: Testosterhome edition.

Before:

Desk area: cluttered, inefficient, slight tone of hoarding associated with it.

South wall: Messy, cramped, inefficient use of space.

 



East wall: not such a bad place for the beds, or so I thought...










The Process:



1. Removal of the plywood desk.

Step 2: Putting in a desk for Todd. I have decided to eliminate my need for a desk and have opted for piano space instead. 

 



















Step 3: Moving the piano and drawers over to the new desk space.

Step 4: Moving the beds to the  south side of the room.

Step 5: Drum set..Ohhhhhh yeah!

The Big Reveal:

Leading the poor family (Todd) to see his new home!

HE WAS ECSTATIC!!!!!!

It's ok to feel inferior to me. I doubt your Saturday was as NEARLY as productive as mine. My next post will be about Heather Hill because she bribed me with hot tamales. Peace out nation.

The Road to a Rockin Bod

November 1, 2010 brings new goals, new dreams, new ideas, and the start of big beards. I don't know why my brain operates this way, but I am only able to start something new at a definitive beginning such as the beginning of a month, beginning of a week, etc..Well on  October 31, Todd (my roommate for those of you who don't know) and I decided that we will start to start eating healthier and working out consistently in hopes of losing some weight and turning our kegs into 6-packs. Can I get an amen?! Naturally, we began on November 1, and already I am beginning to see why I have failed at this so many times in the past, I didn't have a person to go through with me through this ordeal. Having Todd suffer with me as we pedal away on our stationary bikes and eat green stuff motivates me to continue on our path from lookin' good to lookin' GOOD.

A week into it now and I've already broken through my craving for fast food and successfully curbed my consumption of dr. pepper. It's a long and arduous journey, but by the end of it we will go from looking like this:

To this:

I tend to exaggerate a bit, but you get the point. As we continue on this trek, please offer any prayers and do not tempt us with delicious double cheeseburgers or tantalizing cups of Dr. Pepper, or I may have to punch you in the face. That is all. Sorry it took me so long to put another blog out, but you can't rush perfection right?